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[08 Nov 2005|10:35pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
ok psycho cunt needs to quit calling my phone... why jeremy would be with me is beyond me but whatever floats your boat.....
im back in portland once more... last minute emergency.... my grandpa died early this morning so... yea... thtas exciting....
i really just want to rip someones head off... sorry if it happens to be you... give me a sec and ill chill....
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| estoy enferma |
[27 Sep 2005|06:57pm] |
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mood |
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 trade me for a rabbit...... |
] |
| [ |
music |
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paperdoll-kittie |
] |
i'm going back to how it was when i hated everything and didn't venture past my balcony.
thanks again for the memories....
I love you today, I hate you tomorrow, blah blah blah blah, now shut the fuck up and take off your pants.....
-megalolaineac
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| LAME |
[25 Sep 2005|08:46am] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
] |
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music |
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Stick em up- Quarashi |
] |
Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.comHeres the description for some of my highest ranking....traits... Hedonism…. willing to break the law if the monetary benefit is great enough, likes tattoos, likes strip clubs, prone to substance abuse, prone to shoplifting, thinks marijuana should be legalized, not opposed to breaking laws, promiscuous, prone to cheat in relationships, kinky, likes to dress provocatively, believes pleasure should play a central role in life, can be crude, believes religion is foolish, does not worry about consequences of actions, addictive tendencies, more a night person than a day person, erotic, more likely to have been on anti-depressants, gets attention through negative behavior, reckless with money, prone to nihilism, unpredicable, self destructive Ok so this one works ok.... Adventurousness does not worry about consequences, tends to do dangerous things without adequate precautions, always seeking new challenges, unpredictable, lives for pleasure, loves physical exertion, loves to test their strength, more desire than fear, loves night life and crowds, adrenaline junkie, impulsive, enjoys fighting, open to pretty much anything, believes that fun is the most important thing in life, loves to exercise, not opposed to breaking laws, prefers the unfamiliar to the familiar, prefers autonomy, likes to perform, ambitious, uninhibited, likes camping, erotic, likes to lead, most people think they are crazy, remains calm when others panic, cannot sit still, has an all or nothing personality, self promoting, risk taker, brave, likes to be different Narcissism use their looks to get what they want, is able to plan and work towards goals successfully, loves themself, optimistic, sparkling, achiever, self promoting, self assured, success driven, thinks they can charm anyone, ambitious, elegant, thinks they are better looking than most people (which they may or may not be), believes that they are special, more a leader than a follower, believes that other people are envious of them, loves to win awards, fits in most places, seductive, purposeful, believes in success through appearances, assertive, goal oriented, would love to have buildings and monuments named after them, believes they deserve all the good things they have, likes to be popular (Theres so much more to this tho... LAME!!!) Physical Fitness….. feels in good shape and look forwards to a long happy life, good self image, proud of health and strength, feels they are better looking than most people, high self esteem, loves physical exertion, more likely to wear tight fitting clothing if female, not prone to eating disorders, less likely to have health problems, takes care of self, athletic (HA) This is crap... Im proud of how feel now.... but... athletic....? Please... I dont play sports.... Paranoia suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, more doubt than belief, preoccuppied with death and suffering, fears being harmed or controlled, bitter, looks for hidden meaning in things, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, feels misunderstood, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, defensive, often experiences disgust, love-hate relationships with most things, likes to test people's loyalty, thinks life is overrated, focuses on suffering, feels like an outsider, existentially depressed, does not trust what people say, prone to shame, suffers from depression, knows the dark side of life very well, attracted to things associated with sadness, would rather remain alone than risk rejection, hard to get to know, makes enemies, loner Avoidant... loner, limits social interaction because it's draining, does not express emotions easily, shy, does not like most people, does not think most people like them, nothing really pleases them, prefers to dress down (hide attractiveness), considered wierd by others, values personal privacy above personal relationships, feels dejected and better off alone, neglects self, has low self esteem issues, can't find meaning in life, seeks wholeness through isolation, hard to get to know, emotionally numb, even in a relationship they desire a sense of seperateness, thinks life is overrated, would rather be alone then risk rejection, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, feels like an outsider, afraid to show it when they like some one, aversion to physical contact, somewhat asexual, prone to shame, existentially depressed, prone to focus on suffering, bitter, , poor self image, anhedonic "seeks wholeness through isolation" "does not like happy people" HAHAHaaaaaaaa...........Oh thats great.. What the fuck is A-sexual...... are they saying I have a wenis..........? Theres like... a role and persona here for each different crowd Im around...... Crazy.... I know which one goes where too..... Wow Im a raging douche... Fuck.... I need more juice.... Not for the douche..... This chairstand is loose.... Like the three legged moose...... wow............
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| I was gone for a minute.... now Im back let me hit it.... |
[24 Sep 2005|02:12pm] |
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mood |
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 mischievous |
] |
| [ |
music |
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SOUTH PARK MEXICANS!!!!! Woot! |
] |
Day 5
Im so...very ...very....cold....
My sustinance these days are these icecream and coffee/weightloss shakes that Willie brings me..... Im not sure how something with soft serve, whipped cream and sprinkles, can be weight losseringmawhatever but Willie assures me it is and has to do with some powdery crap that they mix in with it.... I demanded this morning that he bring me a label to prove hes not just trying to fatten me up for christmas dinner.....
After watching Sin City repeatedly he last 2 days, I have decided that I want to run my own gang of gun weilding bad ass disease free hookers...
"Dont talk to me like you know me esa, man Ill cut you up. Dont make me put down my baby..."
My SG pre... set... thing was accepted the other day.... Im stoked... I know its not that difficult these days but... Im still excited.... Id kill to work with Lithium Picnic.....Or... do... anything... with him... yea...
Im pausing my exsperiment on monday, as this adorable little emo boy and I are going to the fair.... I know adorable and emo dont usually go together, but is true... I want to ravish him in the barns and take advantage of him on the ferris wheel.....
I love the fair...
In addition to getting laid...Im also breaking my diet... No meat of course, but dear god ive been craving beer battered spuds for EVER.....
Shut up theyre good for me.... Theyre fried in happy fat free oil.... and thier.... carb free......damn....
I need gum, ciggarrets, and cranberry juice....
I know when youre cleansing youre not supposed to smoke, but Ill fight you if you mention it....
Someone bring me supplies!!! I will make you a necklace out of string and paper clips.....
Oh yea.. and Bens coming home....
Im not sure how to react to this... so Im going to just...go make something out of paper clips....
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| "I dont want to wear this sweater vest Noooo Mo'!!!" |
[22 Sep 2005|01:56pm] |
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mood |
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 jubilant |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Kids like us -Skate and Annoy |
] |
Principal Skudworth makes me happy....
Clone high makes me happy...
Kraig bought the first and last season online and I was finally able to see the whole thing:)
The end is depressing as fuck.. let me tell ya....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here...I will give you candy....get in my van....
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conversation I endured last night.....
HIM: equals what he said....
WISH:=what I should have said....but didnt...
HIM: I usually dont date girls with tattoos.
WISH: yea me neither, I like to look at them naked though.
HIM: My life is so hard...BLAH BLAH BLAH
WISH:shut the fuck up, its not like your starving!
HIM: it might be easier to go to jail...
WISH: that way it would be easier for my brother to assfuck you!
wow okay Im done...
~~~~~~~~~~
A bunch of people think I am a lesbian.. lol....... oops I look at naked girls at all the wrong times.... lol......
But seriously.. they say I give off a lesbo vibe..... This worries me.... No wonder so many guys are intimidated... that sucks... From now on Im just going to be a slutty teenage beach whore.....
Savvy...?
Of course it is....
~~~~~~~~~
When the lights go bright, I'm gonna claim the world. With my high heels I'll step on you all......
"Little girlie, don't you cry.
Shut up, old hag, I'm glowing………"
~~~~~~~~~~~
p.s. enter the word failure on google…..see what happens… do it… do it now…..
~~~~
pps....
I am so fucking happy to be alive right now.....
Cheers universe!!!!
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[07 Aug 2005|03:01pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
] |
So Long - Rilo Kiley
Watch me fly away
Through the night sky yeah
Now that all you touched
Has finally turned gray
And roads can’t hold us down
Winds will move us around
With no need to return
to this gray town
Wanna bet I can tell
You’ve been in bed for too long
So let’s just say so long
And I watched you at the cove
You read on rocks below
And I turned home
without so much as hello
Wanna know where I go
I’ve been away for too long
And it’s hard to leave
when I haven’t seen
You in so long
And if we
had just held out for tomorrow
We might have seen
What seemed so far away
We didn’t even bother to stay
There it goes I can tell
You’re gonna to keep
your eyes to the ground
Waiting for something
to finally come around
Tell you that you knew
That you weren’t wrong
And it’s finally time for so long
*********************
Anyone want to make a long roadtrip?
Or start a "get laine the retard the fuck back home where she belongs" fund? If everyone went out and sucked just one dick for 20 bucks, it would be easier than me going out and sucking 20 myself....
well i think im funny....
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[05 Aug 2005|05:03pm] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
] |
I failed again... Im coming home... No big surprise there.... Im beyond upset and probably even more fucked than before, so yakima is getting the old "playa playa" back with a vengence..... Lock up your boys... Shes coming home....
I desperately want to talk to Ian.
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[15 Jul 2005|05:55pm] |
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mood |
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tired and discouraged, but ok |
] |
"Audrey Hepburn (Holly Golightly): He's alright! Aren't you, cat? Poor cat! Poor slob! Poor slob without a name! The way I see it I haven't got the right to give him one. We don't belong to each other. We just took up one day by the river. I don't want to own anything until I find a place where me and things go together. I'm not sure where that is but I know what it is like. It's like Tiffany's.
George Peppard (Paul Varjak): Tiffany's? You mean the jewelry store?
Audrey Hepburn (Holly): That's right. I'm just CRAZY about Tiffany's!
Audrey Hepburn (Holly): We're alike, me and cat. A couple of poor nameless slobs"
........
Bah....
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[08 Jul 2005|03:04am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
(photo credit to the lovely kateri-my-eri)
I miss my puppy... I want to have her spend the night but I dont want to just confuse her even more... Ive cried about leaving like, 3 people and that was only like once when they were there and we were talking about it.... the other one of those "people" is my dog....and thats just every time I think about the little shit factory....
Im disgusting.... Im terrified Im going to come back someday, and shell growl at me or bark because she wont remember me.... See? Just thinking that set me off. Im bawling again.
I feel like shooting myself in the ear....
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[05 Jul 2005|07:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 infuriated and exhausted.... |
] |
My feet are cold and here I sit, waiting and waiting and waiting and this isn't fair. And yes Im fucking pouting.
Cory is impossible to wake up. IMPOSSIBLE. I tried everything. EVERYTHING. The bastard wont wake up. I want my fucking bed. I havent slept more than 2 hours in the last 3 nights. I cant physically move him, and I am NOT going to get in there with him. Just not happening. Ive been in the chair since fucking 12.
Im going to kill him.
Thats just how it is....
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[03 Jul 2005|09:18am] |
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mood |
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 thirsty |
] |
I looked up my name in the intrests thing, and like 14 came up, so lacking anything better to do with my life I scanned over the majority of them and then this one came up.
mugwump66
Its by a kid named eric and all he talks about is his girlfriend laina and how they just went to see land of the dead and tra la la la la, and for a split second and a split second only, I thought Eric, THE eric, had issues and was writing a ficticious journal with weird twisted characters and make believe plots.... and then I reasoned with myself and continued reading to find that I have an over active imagination....
Sorry Eric...Im a fuckass... (whats a fuckass? -DD) But if you read it its really quite amusing...
Well I think its funny...
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[29 Jun 2005|12:23pm] |
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music |
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Sleater- Kinney _Youre no rock and roll fun |
] |
I have so many questions running through my mind. Please consider my delicate heart. I am as a glass child and to lose you would shatter me. How is it that so much time spent loving and caring for a person can suddenly crumble to the ground? How can words of tender endearments suddenly be turned to comments of blind hatred and revenge? Why is change such a feared presence? Where is it we go when we step outside of the comfort of familiarity? How do we recreate joy when so much is trapped beneath the rubble of failure? Where is the strength to pick up all of the delicate shards that reflect the beauty of true love? Is there a cloth thick enough to wipe away the blood of our bleeding hearts? How can we absorb the surrounding happiness of our friends when our closest friendship has been sapped of any reminder of happiness? Why, if we still breathe, does life end until the rocky moment of acceptance? How does love end? It takes some getting use to. The transition between love and friendship is a blurry path. Please remember you have been in my shoes once before. And remember that time is of essence for our friendship, and our friendship is of essence for our survival.....
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[28 Jun 2005|01:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nauseated |
] |
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music |
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Jedi Mind Tricks - I Who Have Nothing |
] |
This morning after taking 2 OCs I threw up in a main intersection in T.H. (east valley homos) Cory had to stop the car and wait for me to finish, while cars full of people eating their breakfast burritoes and protien shakes are going past. I hope I ruined someones breakfast...It sure ruined mine... I really, and I know it sounds cheesey, but I really dont remember eating anything that came out.... It was foul and vile and whats worse is it came out my nose too. But no chunks... But now even though Ive snorted water like all morning, my nose still smells of vomit, and vomit being the one thing I just absolutely cannot handle, even my own, I cannot stop feeling the urge to do it again....
You should smell my nose.... It smells....
Vomit Boogers....Coming eventually to a nose near you....
God Im so sexy sometimes I just dont know what to do with myself.....
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[24 Jun 2005|07:06pm] |
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mood |
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Angry, Lonely, Stupid, Achey |
] |
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music |
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Rilo Kiley |
] |
"If she is worn and broken, then he is shattered and torn. Wounds dont heal if you pick at them I have the scars to prove it. Self inflicted because when ragged rag dolls realize that theyre only rag dolls and will forever stay that way, it hurts them so and they try and pull their stitches out thinking that maybe there is something else to them but stuffing...But there isnt. Drugs maybe, in airports... Unlike most rag dolls that were made to give comfort, this rag only brings pain as when you hold her, you're stuck with a pin, over looked when being sewn... They cant fix real problems, only catch the tears...or cause them...but it would be silly to cry over a rag doll, theyre a dime a dozen and its easy to find a new one..."
****************************************************************************************
On another note, one that is going to be entirely worthless to you, Nick, I have decided, has gone temporarily (?) insane, calling to accuse me of, either stealing his skateboard, or having something to do with its lack of presence.... Which is completely retarded because I handed it to him last night and suggested he put it somewhere in his room because a bunch of people were over and things seem to dissapear when that happens. So obviously when something turns up missing, you should definately not sit and think about the fact that you yourself was the last to have it, no no no, you should call and get all nasty with someone who takes special care to look out for you and tries to protect and preserve your property from various crack heads. If you are there, and the item is in your possession, then it is your responibility not anyone and everyone elses to either keep an eye on your shit, or FUCKING REMEMBER WHERE YOU PUT IT WHILE YOU WERE FUCKING TWEAKING SICK AND NOT BLAME ME FOR YOUR OBVIOUS LACK OF FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELLS.
Hes so fucking paranoid and it drove me fucking nuts when he pulled this fucking bullshit on other people, and now his irrational accusations have been turned to me, and Im about ready to fucking scalp his balding dome and then force feed it to him.
He is incapable of thinking rationally.
"There is no worse enemy than one who is incapable of knowing he may be wrong"
Dope Does Damage...
Dumbass....
Disgusted...
Dissapointed...
Done with Doped up Delerious Deadbeats....
Im also done with my ranting. I apologize for the pointless minute and a half it took read the raging babble posted above.... Its been a frustrating day. I really just wanted to hang out with Katie and be exclusive and get away from the male gender today, but instead I ended up sitting at my house eating KFC and looking up the words scalping and castration on google.... (which by the way katie, if you happen upon this, my most sincere apologies and pathetic groveling goes to you for leaving you there after you expressed your wish to hang out. I wanted to stay, I should have stayed, I wish I stayed. I realized I pretty much ditched you and that was shitty of me and Im sorry and hope you will still come sew and go dollar store shopping with me soon. Hope you ended up having a super wunnerful day despite my ditzy distracted stupid retarded behavior, kitten...)
Ive got to get out of this house or Im going to scream... and then maybe cry... then scream some more...
I miss my car. Fucking christ Im the dumbest person alive....(Its ok, agree with me, I know you want to...)
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[22 Jun 2005|10:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
Coffee in the park...?
(yes you...)
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| Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup |
[22 Jun 2005|08:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
The past is dead, the future meaningless (...now), and the present slips away,(Usually with your best friend and lover, confided secrets, and the last of the pastries you bought)... As it slips by you, know the opertunities you missed and realise that this is all you have. A fleeting moment in which to act, and fuck... its wasted on you isnt it???
There's no substance to you
Except for what you drain...
Charm is superficial and is easily exposed as having no concrete value...
Trust me homes... Sooner or later you'll figure that out the hard way like everyone else.....
Theres your hard reality coming through the window....
But what the fuck do I know....
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[10 Jun 2005|12:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bouncy |
] |
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[10 Jun 2005|11:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
Wow.... That hurt.....
Being slapped in the face with nostalgia can be kind of unpleasant sometimes.... More than that, though, I think Im just suddenly feeling the weight of everything thats happened to me in the last 9 months My lifes been nuts..... Its almost ridiculous how many times things have completely changed. Too many 180s... and now I'm dizzy.....
Silly girl... tricks are for pimps...
Its just a matter of walking away...
Look at my muscle!
Potato chips...
Plastic bag plastic bag plastic bag..........
Arika rules like whoa.....
Im having severe tattoo cravings! Its been months upon months since I had any work done and I have so many cemented ideas in my head... Unfortunately, tattoos cost the monays, and the monays is something I have very little of......
Today I had a yummy lunch of green tea and rice....it was delicious, but I needed it because I was bad for breakfast....my breakfast consisted of snickers and doritos...
I need a drink, and a hug and to slide my hand down your pants.....
I need a quick solution to life..... Ill pay you $3.50 for it....
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[25 May 2005|01:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
horny |
] |
In my defense, I now would like to take a blow torch to her vagina......
4 more days... Im so excited.... I have a three hour delay in salt lake city... Gonna catch me a a couple hubands.....
Silly as it sounds I have to dye my hair before I leave, (call it a habit) any suggestions....?
(and yes I still want to pour orange juice and lye on his wienis... and Im not sorry...Jesus hates him too..........)
Fuck Ill never change.....
booyah
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[22 May 2005|04:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
|
Dianna is your soulmate. |
| You truly love Ben. |
| You consider Nick your true friend. |
| You know that Joey is always thinking of you. |
| You'll remember Ian for the rest of your life. |
| You secretly think Josh is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. |
| You secretly think that Katie is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. |
| You secretly think that Jake is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Jake changes lovers faster than underwear. |
| You secretly think Quinne is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Quinne has a hidden internet romance. |
Well some are right I guess....
I have to stop this... I need to go make cake.... Want some cake?
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